we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
