If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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