My balls are so social today.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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