Pappa wants mamma naked
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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