I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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