just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
try to milk me bitch
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
