I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
