Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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