I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
