guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize