I wannas sexs uuuuu
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
