We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
