Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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