so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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