You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
