At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
