sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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