i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
