what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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