you guys were way drunker than both of me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize