I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His hands were made for my vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
