Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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