two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
