Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
