I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
