Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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