Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
