his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
