where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
