So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
