is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
