I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pants are for mortals
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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