Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
