my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
