You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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