My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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