i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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