Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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