it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
