I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
