someone get that fucking seahorse.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
