Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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