Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
