were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
