In the future we'll all be gay
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish I only lived at night.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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