I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
