and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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