Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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