It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
