My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize