So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
