I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
