I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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