I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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