"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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