I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
