Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
