when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
cat food counts as protein by the way
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
