its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
