Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
