I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
