So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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