Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
where are my eyebrows?
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