drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize