I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
