at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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