you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
