did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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