Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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