I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
