Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
