The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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