John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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