I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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