You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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