and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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