As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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