ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
