I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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