I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
