id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
